​
Nothing made sense anymore and the world suddenly became very confusing. People continued on with their daily lives (as they should) while our family silently trudged through our days with a gaping hole in our hearts. Grief takes you hostage. We hunkered down together in our pain, trying to get our bearings about us as we struggled to come to terms with this harsh new reality. I needed help.
I found a local chapter of The Compassionate Friends and signed up for a Grief Educator course with David Kessler. David had been a grief advocate for years when he lost his son, David, from fentanyl poisoning. His experience, strength and hope inspired me and the course was like oxygen for my soul. I learned that an 'out of order' death is the most complicated kind of grief to survive. A high percentage of couples get divorced after the loss of a child. It can really take you down.
I learned how to witness other people's grief. Witnessing another person's pain after a heartbreaking loss is a gift and there is a misconception in the world about what the bereaved need. I learned from my own suffering that the best thing you can do is sit with them, be present and witness their grief.
If you are flailing in the abyss of grief, please know that you are not alone. As an extension of my love for Hayden, I would be honored to witness your grief.
.jpeg)
On June 29, 2022, I experienced the worst nightmare any mother could possibly go through when I lost my 24 year old son, Hayden. Our family: my husband Tim, my older son, Harrison and Hayden's twin brother, Dexter, circled the wagons and had our 'dark night of the soul'. We were stunned that we had lost our sweet Hayden. After all, we’re the Carharts…a fun loving, happy...kind of quirky family. I was grateful when Harry and Dexter both moved back home because we all needed support. The panic attacks caught me off guard and sometimes, something as natural as breathing was difficult. The physical aspect of grief was crippling and carried me into the depths of misery and depression. Grief is like an unwanted visitor in your home that never leaves. Before this, I thought I was familiar with grief because I had lost my young mother years before, but this was entirely different. This was my boy.